Couples and relationship counselling can improve your level of communication with the significant other in your life. Conflict can arise at times of stress or just develop over time. In conflicting relationships a cycle of intimacy can develop with defensive behaviour such as shouting or a sulking silence or passive aggression. This behaviour causes isolation, as the partners withdraw from each other. Then anxiety sets in as one or other feels frightened or grows tired of the isolation, starts to feel lonely and this leads to conciliatory behaviour such as placating the other partner and trying to make the peace at any cost. This leads to intimacy and reassurance, for a while until the defensive behaviour starts all over again, and the cycle goes on and on without resolving the problems.
Couples and relationship counselling enables this process to be brought into the light of day or in other words, made conscious. Couples are encouraged to observe and share how the behaviours of their partner impacts on them, what they fear and their expectations and to express what they need from each other, in an atmosphere of mutual respect and safety. It may take just one person to step out of a negative cycle to change the way the relationship functions. You will both learn about what triggers your anger or fear, and how to handle your reactions in an adult way.
The power of projection: Your mind is like a blank screen of your consciousness or your awareness. This is a neutral space and your mind is like a projector which places images and stories onto this blank screen. These stories then become the story of your life and form your present perceived and unsatisfactory reality. All the emotional experiences, hurts and issues of your past are stored and projected onto your screen. The mind is very powerful and it does not just observe what is reality and is not objective. Unconscious internal conflicts become mixed in and projected until the hurt takes over and you feel stuck in what can feel like a war zone.
The aim of couples and relationship counselling is to separate what is projected from your past and what is actual reality. It can take just a few sessions to discover the true source of conflict. It is a great relief to be heard and also to rediscover what drew you together as a couple in the first place. When couples discover how to relate to each other as separate people it can be a very gratifying experience.
In some cases the couple may decide that their differences are irreconcilable, separation counselling will then be offered but only after all efforts to make life bearable together have been exhausted. The aim is to be able live a satisfying life for both parties.
Watch your thoughts; they become words;
Watch your words; they become actions;
Watch your actions; they become habits;
Watch your habits they become character;
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.’ Chinese Proverb
To arrange a session of counselling and psychotherapy simply phone, email or text to make an appointment. Couple therapy sessions usually last approximately 1 hour. The fee is €80.